Smoking is Beautiful

I woke up to a heavy chest pain and a nagging cough which i 've never had in my 12 years of smoking cigarettes. I'm coughing to the top of my lungs. How can I get past these symptoms without cranking up i don't know. Well, cranking up is a symptom too so i guess fuckit.

It's been 14 days since D-Day my lungs died, i remember it like it was just a few minutes ago, and remembering of course, doesn't help. Actually, remembering is a quitter's worst enemy.

Smoking cigarettes has never been this pleasant to my sight.

 I may have underestimated the power of nicotine, and was wrong with my estimates of this whole quitting business.

Frustrating that majority of the online selfhelp articles have the symptoms at the most unpleasant within 3-5 days. Well, i was running along just fine the first 6 days, then realized that the coughing and the sneezing were starting to aggrevate my previously oblivious headache, then a sort of anxiety, then the cravings, and inability to concentrate, and then this fatigue. While I have unlearned my tendencies to self medicate a long time ago, I can't help myself checking the symptoms list and find the list almost done. GOod thing, i always say, is that I know what the cause is and more improtantly, why.

This fatigue can be quite tricky, it stifles any strength to act and think "stronger." Fatigue also gives a false illusion that I am weak and exacerbates the craving to feel almost unbearably stronger than it actually is, or that can just be me overanalyzing.

And chewing gum can be more expensive than smoking. Though i could consume up to a pack a day, and a couple of packs with alcohol before, I've come down, or up, to about 10 to 20 gums a day on top of extra snack time and extra rice as well.

I don't remember dreaming of cigarettes. Twice I woke up feeling sorry almost to the point of crying because i was pretty sure i smoked a cigarette, and in the dream, i wasn't aware of it. Ridiculous, considering that i am not allowed to smoke even in my dreams, but more ridiculous that i felt deep remorse about breaking the promise.