my first ka charotan post

a confession to make. this is funny so please try not to laugh. I've counted the number of times this thought of someone has lingered inside my head. for the past few days i seem to think of her more often, or so i thought, coz i doubt this has been going on for so long and i've only noticed it now. and as this realization came along, i've realized how chronic and uncontrollable it has become. the thoughts would come out of consciousness, it has become a habit. yesterday i decided i needed to investigate this out myself so i tried to count. but to my dismay, it only took me a couple of hours before i've lost count. it may have been because of my rusting mathematical abilities or for reasons beyond my deformed and long been circumsized romantic know-how. i tried to reassure myself. but still the fact that this has been going on for eons already and that i've only acknowledged this now is just plain sick. this is sick. i am sick? or am i? maybe. In retrospect, of all my past mishaps and romantic endeavors i have gone through or gone looney toonly into, i can't remember any thing that has some inkling of similarity with this phenomenon. not even close to the marvel of missing someone you are not with. it's a grief of some sort that has come a full year after the end of the so-called affair. an unjust and injurious aftershock that stabs you in the back after your mind had completely fooled itself. that it knew how to forget and it has forgetten. this is not an "i love you" post, more like one of my "what am i saying?" post. if this sounds like a "im desperately in luv with you" post, then maybe it's true, otherwise this is just another seasonal fad i'll just soon get over with. but that is a wish. this might likely be my first post about my ancient "love life," stubbornly dormant for the past year. missing someone is hard. but realizing it after a year you've gone separate ways is, well, plain sick. the feeling is; my "self" was stuck on the day we said our last goodbyes and my heart never took another step. my heart held the pavement in that very spot, blindingly tight as if it has lost the spirit to come home to me. and seem to have lost the appetite for new cuisines. but what's the use really? i do not know. i talk to her in the phone once in a while and i feel nothing. just like long lost friends. or so i thought. again.