mag da drama ako kasi birthday ko kahapon

i didn't sleep and it's 9 am i just got out from class... i am still a little drunk from last night, or this mo rnings drinking and videoke sessions... i dont know if i am drunk because of the beer or the coffee.... haay kapoy. i feel wasted and miss ko na ang feeling na to, hinahanap hanap. i feel like im obliged to write something today, no actually yesterday though i don't have anything to write or i think i don't have anything to write but actually i have so many things in my mind right now. (lasing nga tlga!)well, two days ago, sunday ,i was 21 and yesterday i turned 22 and now i am 22! and tomorrow 22 pa rin! di na babalik nang 21! nyak nyak ... i hate to admit it but im old enough to have a 5th child already.. wehehe so what? and i am old enough to be a CEO of some company . maybe a taho company or a lastiko company. a store manager... no area manager of jollibee... but i think i wouldn't past 30 years with that kind of job... i'd die of at least 5 illnesses , the kind you get when you work in a bee happy fast food chain... like hypertension, high blood, brain tumor, cancer of the lack of sleep, and maybe birdflu... wehehehe joke. chicken joy! jollibee LANGHAP SARAP-LALONG PUMAPAYAT! (supposed to be sumasarap...nag explain ba naman. :)) yesterday my birthday...felt like 5 minutes. i went home at 5 in the morning worn out and tired of work because we're gonig to have our audit.. slept for 3 hours went to class slept for 5 hours... ate the lechon manok, pancit and ice cream prepared for my birthday for 30 minutes and went to work again... i dint hav time to have a meaningful , senseful talk with anyone the whole day. haay the audit went fine i guess because most the managers put up smiles like they have just been laid right after the audit...but whats the use of audit if you work hard for it just for audit day and forget about "working hard" for the rest of the year? til the next audit will come? hmmm... but i guess the other stores are doing worse... one unforgetable story i have is of one of my managers... i heard her studying for the interview inside the stock room (because she's next in line na) and sad to say really she sounded like an elementary student memorizing her speech word for word! including the good morning sir, my name is blah blah... and it seemed to me she 's trying to avoid using d words "was" and "is" she sounded like an english counterpart of Barok in d movies. hmmm.. anyways wat ca i do? im only human...born to make mistakes..... sira. yesterday i turned 22 but i feel like i was born only a year ago... something must be wrong and i cannot grasp what it is. let this write be an outlet for my frustations and self-annihilation... let me do this at least once a year.... happy birthday! but i cant think of anything meaningful to say coz i cant stop thinking of work today so let's postpone it na lang.. wehehehe.. no really the thing is i really dont know what keeps me from quitting my work. it certainly is not the money because the magnitude of work and with the sacrifices i hve to make because i am studying, though the proper term should be enrolled not studying...(or better "sitting inside the classroom, looking at faces) :P the lack of or the absence of sleep ,like at this very moment....and the "i dont feel excited with my salary" i receive every 15 days ..... are definitely blown out of disproportion. not worth it. in two words. (three pala!) the thing is, i think, or i think.. therefore i am. because i think...maybe it is because when i am at work.... i stop thinking. thinking i mean is deep thinking...thinking of unimportant and stupid things... like problems, the future, faults, past mistakes, the what if's and all those crap. (crap that is very human and almost part of everyone).... like how i was before, or now rin siguro. negative. almost autistic (naniwala ba naman?) though i have to confess ,now i am relatively better...actually good in the art of evading such unhealthy and pessimistic doings... (i like to invent terms. walang pakialamanan). it used to be sad. (use of the word sad. what an understatement) unwanted episodes of aimless wandering ... like diving into a black pit and while you are falling ,, you are fired upon by endless shrapnels of questions, wondering and soul searching, more like soul fightings. in a limbo. lost in space. then u surface up like nothing happened and hammer everything into the deepest chambers in your mind.forget. call it whatever you want to call it by i call it... blows of the void. the closest term should be depression. close but not the right word. because when u are depressed u feel and u make use of emotions. when you are blown by the void you turn your back to emotions and endulge your whole self with bluntness like you are trapped in a matchbox engulfed inside a 100-square mile of solid rock.dark.and you cant get out. and you feel nothing but emptyness. haay kakanta na ko. kakakanta ko lang kaninang madaling araw sa videoke. its my birthday and i am not making sense. well i thought i needed some reassessing and rethinking to do but i just realized that i alredy have. though unconsciously . it takes time to piece the pieces together (tama ba yun?) and lay your self in a road where your steps are firm and peaceful. contented. i put my trust in the natural flow of things that everything and everyone has their own time and place set for them. they just have to see it coming. it may not have come for me yet but i know someday, somehow it will. happy birthday. tama na ang ka charotan. inuman na. mamya ulit. thanks sa mga nag greet. mahar ko kayo.