Oh, you're gonna carry that weight a long time. A Beatle's song and one of 156 songs in my son's ever expanding playlist in spotify. It's August 29, 2017 and I just came home from a 1.6 kilometer run in Panaad Stadium with the intent of losing weight and since quitting approximately a month and 4 days ago, a set of changes , both familiar and new, have been creeping up to me. I'm not a stranger anxiety, not at all. Having visited a psychiatrist at age 17 and diagnosed with GAD a couple of times. Having been taking Benzos for more than a year everyday, and being one of the pioneer members of DPself help site year 2003.
I wanted to blog and hopefully i'll be back to blogging as soon as possible. For all the benefits of the online journal. :D
8/29/2017
Aug 29
3/19/2016
TraPoe
Tiglao says Poe is worst Presidential candidate"
This article by Tiglao is very interesting because of his definitive declaration of Poe as the worst presidential candidate we've ever had in the Philippines . Except the part when he starts talking about a "Yellow Cult" and how p-Noy planned to have Poe win so he could evade prosecution? Too far fetched if you aske me. Anyway, it wouldn't be too difficult to disagree with Tiglao when he says that Poe's chances of presidency is only and only because of her last name, being the princess of the Filipino Panday FPJ, and nothing else.
It would be a grave mistake if we elect an inexperienced unproven president, especially a young one like Poe who has impressed upon me a Traoe-esque aura I remember saying three years ago that I felt and saw Trapo all over her whenever I see her talk on TV.
Not only that, I would not vote for a presidential candidate who's been trying to speak like her vice-presidential candidate all campaign period long. Hilarious. I guess anyone who has a decent academic background of sort, can easily go google and pay researches to prepare one for a presidentible debate, despite being foreign to all these issues and topics discussed. And how confidently I'd want to tell people I'd want to have "free lunches" for all grade schools across a 100 million populace? Fernando Poe's movie screen come from behind behind action fairy tale couldn't even have been more realistic compared to that. ANd we dont want to go into the decision of SC to let her run despite her dubious status as a natural born Filipino citizen,ad how she turned her back from being a Filipino and now being able to run to lead the same race she has once denied herself to be.
Vices
As Thomas awoke from a recurring bad dream, a groovy headache throbbing in his head, he instantly felt the gravity of the day ahead, so with one sharp maneuver, the bed sheets flew behind his bed and then scuffling, he crawled on his knees towards the wooden drawer and examined the pack of cigarette inside which he had kept, in immense satisfaction and fervor, the night before yesterday. Today is the big day, the words repeating in himself over and over. A wry grin crept on his face as he cupped the pack of cigarette in his hands and skimmed through it's soft rectangular edges, and devoured his senses of its damp and stiff aroma, almost as if in a passionate dream, like a little boy who had just been given a brand new bicycle for a birthday present. Inside, the room was quite small and swollen, a decrepit bed lay in the middle of the room, an opened cabinet and clothes hanging all around, a heap of plastics, papers, books and useful garbage. Although for Thomas, this room was as spacious as a meadow and as comfortable as a lavish hotel room, for not only had he been living inside it for the last 6 years, he also did not know of any occupant who could have adapted of it's rich dank and heady smell other than himself. It was quite dark as well inside, though one can already sense the early morning's humidity peaking from the outside, for had it not been for Thomas' insistence to keep all the windows shut and the thick velvet curtains tight and unwashed for God knows how long already, the room would have been a bit more pleasant. He had been wanting, planning and waiting for months, this final engagement that could change his life has finally arrived. Thomas was about to step out into the dim lit corridor after finishing with all the preparations and rituals for the day ahead when he noticed, there right across the narrow hallway stood The Chief, leaning on the master bedroom's door, looking down at him. "Good day Thomas" said The Chief, arms folded over his chest and a foot against the bedroom wall- the air of jovial enthusiasm in his voice sickened Thomas' almost obviously. 'Good morning Chief' replied Thomas without moving, his eyes stooped on the floor as if in a trance. 'Well, go ahead now, don't forget my breakfast and, to feed the dogs ey,.. and don't hesitate to do good Thomas. always do what's good.' remarked The Chief without budging, his arms over his chest and face straight as ever. The Chief said this after a long stolid uneasy silence had passed between him and Thomas. Thomas really never understood this remark of The Chief every morning before he sends him off to work, he has this way of speaking to Thomas that's bit quite obscured and strange for a boss-employee acquiantance, and to think that they go to the same workplace almost everyday. Thomas always thought The Chief to be a nice and reasonable fellow though, at least as a whole, well, if he had thought otherwise, he couldn't have lasted a single year the least, working for The Chief as head supervisor in that wretched old warehouse of his, let alone to be The Chief's personal minion, taking care of the house, feeding the dogs, feeding The Chief himself, cooking, an unending array of chores of both relevant and irrelevant value makes up the entirety of his every day. But certainly, he would have loved to have it differently, if only he had not been born unto this invalid life he's in. He used to be fond of thinking of himself that if he had it to decide, he'd judge himself as the lone master of the house, and The Chief, for his beloved servant, but the thought didn't really appeal very much for him he realized later. But then, what can Thomas do with all those luck, both good and bad, turned against his side? There's nothing left for him but to earn a living out of this monster and try as hard as he can muster, to keep all struggles to himself for his sake, so he'd be able to continue on these constant petty work he's gotten himself into. But then, there's no telling the difference between his life's condition back home and here in the town. Down here for him, there's no such thing as family, he need not have a family around- a mother and a brother- to emphatize of his sorry situation every time he comes home from work, but that would come as a rarity of course, for they never really did think of Thomas in a member-of-a-family way. Thomas even found it the more interesting and sweet without the family around his place of work; no nagging mother whenever he would do some thing that opposed her present mood and frame of mind; no cry baby little brother who could not do anything, even the littlest of thing, without help- things that even a little giddy girlscout of half his age could do. It's better this way he thought, the only duty he had to act upon on a family basis was to mark a piece of paper with a pen in the downtown money agent every end of the month and that's it. But this arrangement has got to go too, he said to himself, soon when i'm done with my engagement, then a little later he thought well, he'd probably send them one last time, a bigger amount, a whole lot bigger, and that would be the last, he concluded to himself. THe sight of the town started to seem to look quite busy from inside the car as it hit the last turn towards the warehouse.
1/10/2012
3/27/2011
Milestones
Solve the Puzzle
Yesterday was my day off. I had the chance to tease my wife about the chance of her winning a date with our son for the entire day, and she wasn't too interested. I was kidding of course, I did not want to pass up the chance to spend time, before and after work, before and after sleep. And most especially on day offs. Besides, we learn a lot of things together, though I've got tons of other things to do or PLan todo, and read and yes, write about. This is a short list of Gabe's milestones.
Gabe has learned to say A-Na-Na when cajoled to say Ba-Na-Na. This is something my wife and her sister had worked on and succeeded. I, on the other hand, has been working on Re-Fri-Ge-Rator since he was 3 months old and still can't get pass the first syllable, but he never fails to pin point the location of the fridge with a stare, or by pointing with all 5 fingers.
He is only 10 months old, or shall I say, wtf he's 10 months old already? I don't remember growing up that fast in my entire life.
Reading the hundreds of websites on infant development actually helped us paint a general picture of what he should be able to do at this point. Compounded by the grand parent's insistent everyday lessons on the to-do's and what not to do's in a baby's life. Make them Grand parents from both sides, talk about double Tag Teams. But Gabe is coping up pretty good except...
Walking, We still have to find time for proper training. I couldn't properly teach something when I don't remember how it was taught to me in the first place. I can teach my son bike or sports or chess or how to drive easy, but walking? Where did I start with that?
There are kids his age who can walk a couple of steps with only a hand to guide them. Gabe runs wild with a gait and step of a crippled reindeer with 5 hooves. They say it's hard to train babies when their first impulse is to jump up and down or run.
He can do the close open antics, and clapping of the hands. But not always though, only if he finds it appropriate. He says mam-ma mam-ma when calling his mom or when he gets bored. He's favorite toy is the Truck, and the Car, he can identify at least 50 things by pointing or staring at them.
He becomes anxious and afraid with new stuffed toys. I brought him to a place where parents leave their kids when visiting the malls, and he was terrified with the place. It was called Play Land. It was confusing for all 3 of us.
Shouts at an airplane or a motorcycle or a car passing by. Loves the peekaboo and throws a plastic ball at 33 mph. 10 more ticks and he's at equal arm strength with his father. I destroyed my arm when I had too much baseball without warming up.
He loves to throw things around and down the floor, then start to try and pick them up and push them around. Over and over again. He is at the point where he needs to warm up with new things before he starts playing with them.
Laughs and kicks and crawls up and down the bed. He has learned the art of playing Tag, long before he can walk. I need to prop him up and guide him so he can run his own when another pretends to go after him. He really thinks he's on his own these days.
He just eats anything fed to him. He eats liver Atay and his father would say "Pinoy Fear Factor." Opens his mouth to his vitamins with gusto, but not without grimacing with the after taste. He shouts at Jollibee, the light, some other kids, and the Lizards on the ceiling. Especially the lizards. He puts up a fake smile as if of wry humour, when a camera is readied in his face and somebody exclaims Picture2x!
He loves to leaf through the pages of the book, he just tore the front page of my book yesterday. He turns shy and breaks stare when Aleka or that cute girl in one of the Einstein videos starts talking. The giggle and the anxiety of excitement is obvious, and his mother just adores it, and replays the scene a hundred times just to see the same giddy reaction.
He stares at you to seek acknowledgement when he sees something familiar, like the Lizard. He will not stop until you say something to that accord.
I can do this all day, but I have work tomorrow and I need a couple of other things done today. Or maybe just join him and mom who are asleep in bed.
I will surely hate the day when all the fascination with the little crawling creatures stops and all the things he has learned in life will be impossible to track down.
3/07/2011
Allusions to motherland
Filipinos love to copy anything imported, anything made in, breathe in, and done in the U.S.A. The love of the motherland has not limits. It needs no reason. It's just, natural. There's no arguing who should be Philippines Motherland is.
It's just lately that I've realized how Americanized I am. It didn't take much analysis or introspection, I just observed. There's just so many things alluded to something American. I would partly have my father to blame too, who spent his first 20 years of employment in a U.S. embassy. It doesn't take a genius to reckon the serious effect that work experience has had to his propensity to think, well, American. To teach, compare, and allude to anything better or correct. When I say better or correct, it is not Filipino, it's usually American.
Philippine president Aquino's run for presidency was an allusion to then newly elected Barack Obama. Aquino's run for presidency echoed the same clamor for change and hope for the future. A change that is yet to be seen, a hope that is yet to be felt for Filipinos. The copying did not come as offensive or faulty, in fact, it was as welcome as a breath of fresh air. If any, it was a proof that Aquino, was paying attention to world events, and was exact in referencing Obama in our own little plight for national deliverance.
Lately too I've seen PBA commentators tackle the recent trade of top elite BPA players between teams. Surprisingly, it came as a surprise to me, knowing that I've never seen PBA teams attempt such significant release of players, much more to actually doing it. Again, it is an allusion to USA's own NBA of course, which have had it's own million dollar trades between overly paid NBA superstars. Between million dollar teams which are getting more costly than ever.
The only difference between these PBA transactions and NBA's, is that the latter had more options, more reasons (they actually thought about it), and definitely tons more of money. PBA teams had no reason to let go of their elite players. Moving the superstars around the league, would have very little impact on any team's popularity, much so to PBA's popularity as a tv show. Even the player's popularity may be badly hurt.
In fact, it could dismantle whatever solid fan base they've had in the past. San Miguel Beermen is not a city of beer, it's a company. A fan's only reference or inclination for support is it's winning-ablity and it's player's showmanship- meaning, whatever reason you have. But then again, the NBA did it, it is only cool that the PBA to do it as well.
Of course there's a myriad of examples, these are just two. It is acceptable for us to allude to everything American because like in literature, perhaps whatever we have at home is better off as a fictional counterpart of the better reality that is in the U.S of A, than what is truly original to us. We are excused to allude because it is only fleeting, a passing allusion to an American idea, fad or even a belief. It is only in passing that we copy, because maybe we are still in grasping terms with what we believe is truly ours, and hope that someday it will be okay to be original.
The sad thing about it is that whenever I think of something truly Filipino, which is not in any way tainted by foreign influence. The first thing in mind is Willing Willie the game show. Now, that's saying something.
2/20/2011
Trying hard
Even in an adult workplace, especially in a classroom training setup, I find it amusing that everything goes back the way there were in high school. There's always the popular gal, the class clown, the trying hard, the nerds, the quiet guys, etc. I find it funny how disliked I've become lately, though I've never been told face to face nor were there any obvious deliberate action to let me know.
Well, I was smart enough to have figured it out without having to ask anyone. I am not one to make allies too just to be popular or get back at someone, so I just kept this to myself. I'm like the super villain Megamind, only that I'm neither blue in color nor an alien. The size of the head though might not be that far fetched.
This is surprisingly uncomfortable, and at the same time maddeningly challenging. The truth is I've always been the likable one and I always find something to like about anyone, just enough to be friendly friendly. That came with a price though. I had to thrive at mediocrity and live the life of the perpetual under achiever. I had to please people. I've always thought the role was cool.
Before I started with the new company, I decided otherwise.
So, how did I become a super villain, I guess it all started when I swore to work my hardest, in the exact fervent manner I swore to stop smoking. Though I am a long ways from that working the hardest habit, and still spends most of my time berating myself every time I fall short of my scheduled tasks, or feel lazy, I'm starting to get the feel of it.
So I try my damn hardest to be the most 'trying hard' guy in the room. I've never thought I'd say something like that in my life. I've always admired those trying hards for the simple fact that they're trying hard. It will likely start to pay off for them but take it's toll as well.
Anyway, people should know that the goal of is to learn as fast as you could in the shortest possible time. Because you don't want to add to yourself the stress and hassle of Not knowing what to do, and spare yourself the time you could have used more productively , than asking questions. This might also apply in most jobs I would think.
There's also a huge difference between those who see the call center as a temporary stint and those who see the job as their last chance to be good at something. There are those who don't have any fall back options and those with ready options, the board passers, engineers, nurses etcetera. There are also those who work to feed families, those who are hoping fun and opportunities, the new grads and the call center hoppers.
So for those who keep on whining, please just start focusing on what you yourselves need to learn, fast. Envy and insecurity will never help.
This situation almost looks like they actually expected an even playing field, and expected to see people from the same little barangays as theirs. At 25+ age, people still find it repulsive to find others of different ethnicity, personality and thinking. How many people have they met? or is this just plain High School?
I am not one to be bothered by anything personal or as dramatic as this at work, but i guess I am up to such friendly competitions, even for some nasty social mind wargames.
So, My first lesson from Megamind : the difference between a villain and a super villain is...
Presentation.
Noted.
I think this decision may have something to do with my renewed energy and positive atrocity. So I thank that too.
2/14/2011
Deftones was in Manila
Okay, first of all, I wasn't in the Deftones concert in Manila the other night. I can't believe how envious I got and how envious I still am. I knew I was going to envy everyone who had the chance to watch THE Deftones LIVE, but I never guessed it would be this much Envy.
Anyway, watching the videos in youtube, I thought the Pinoy crowd was lousy. It pissed me off that they were hardly moving and were barely making noise, like they're watching Sarah Geronimo in concert. Chino accordingly even asked the crowd why everyone's so quiet. WTF
The reasons are for one, everyone's busy smiling about and taking pictures and being giddy and starstruck-ed about it. For the Lamb Of GOD, I understand all the shock and awe. But just a little bit of courtesy, the least people could have done was to learn moshpit and shoving and jumping altogether on the spot, even if the most you've done was to raise your arms and shout woohoo at a Gary V concert.
Or sacrifice a lamb (ir a goat) in front of the stage like I would do.
By the way, here's Chino and Vera dancing to the tune of Firework by Katy Pery? Caught on cam by Paolo Velenciano during an after party.
It must have been a freaking weird night for The Deftones in Manila. Good Job! Chino and Sergio in Manila, Dancing
12/26/2010
Travelling by Sea
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| Noah's Ark did not have a tourist class did it? |
When I was as young as an elementary schooler, i've learned the art of standing still, keeping quiet while trying to be as agreeable as i could be, to find that middle ground between me and my parents if there's something we did not agree on, just to let them realize that i've made up my mind and nothing they can say would ever stop me.
So what they did was to give support, well, they didn't say anything much anyway because they were mostly reasonable, not too much analytical, and always shall i say, optimistic about things, and they knew i wasn't about to do something stupid. And if i did, it was because i was taking risks.
Life can never be without risks. Travelling by sea has it's own risks, and so as walking in a fucking sidewalk.
I've been travelling my entire life by sea, when i was young and when i was in college too. We didn't have much for us to board planes or whatsoever, especially if we had time in our hands to enjoy transport.
I always thought the sea port as someplace special to people, where you can find the serene scenes of human existence and humanity's dynamics, different people on the same ship looking forward, destined to dock somewhere.
These superferries and ships that take their course across the archipelago, these are not the same ships you take when you roll-in and roll-out from one province to it's next adjacent province.
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| departure 9:45 pm 12/26/10 - relaunched with upgraded facilities |
These are bigger, and better. IF you think getting sea sick is easy when you are on a barge or a small boat, that is because the vessel is small enough, and you are small enough to feel both sway with the waves. IT shouldn;t be the case in larger vessels, as they take their routes across the islands, you wouldn't even notice it budge that may be mended by the speed, well i never notice it unless there's storm or something.
I've seen people with newborn babies in vessels like these, and it wasn't too difficult to realize that , hey , everyone will just do fine in the sea. People have been doing this for centuries, did you think we're scattered all over the earth because of cebu pacific?
The point of the matter is, travelling by sea has it's own perks and risks. It may not be as safe as what statistical evidence may persuade you when travelling by air, but hey, aren't these planes one of the leading causes of Statistics?
Look, you embark the ship, be one with humanity, where everyone's equal and are not any different socially, neither biologically - no baby is more susceptible to a disease than the other, not even my son who's 8 months old - and it doesn't mean you are safer from viruses in a ship, than in a fucking crowded mall. Neither are you any more safer from accidents in a huge ship in a raging sea, than while asleep at home.
Everyone in the vessel will enjoy the travel, be safe on board and trust and have Faith.
Heck, even Noah was entrusted the last remaining living species to survive in a freakin wooden Ark.
So let's act like normal homo sapiens and attend your grandparents 30th wedding anniversary.
12/20/2010
Smoking is Beautiful
Smoking cigarettes has never been this pleasant to my sight.
I may have underestimated the power of nicotine, and was wrong with my estimates of this whole quitting business.
12/07/2010
R.I.P 12/05/10
I quit smoking cigarettes. It's been 48 hours.
The die is cast.
There should be no turning back, not even to look back.
Like someone dear inside me is dying. You want to cry because it's sad. For 12 years, every single day, for almost 12 times on average.
and now we're on a "cool off" stage, - and might consequentially turn to a total BREAK UP. (the whole point)
It's as if i just lost a sweetheart.
But heck, i've successfully Quit on some other substance far worse- endured similar symptoms 20 times more intense than what the worst withdrawal from nicotine can bring, or so I thought.
I tell you, 'The Filth' days used to be- see me saying to myself everyday "i'm not going crazy" in 20 seconds intervals, that went on for years-and that's just the tip of the iceberg, mind you.
Now it goes like this - "Cigarettes are yucky" every time the urge kicks in, and the mind plays a trick.
Well you don't want to play with me-it's like playing against a pro, and getting beat to each and every punch.
this will be nostalgic. this will be fun.
12/03/2010
This is Blog
This is blogging, I've missed it. I realized I enjoyed it here, it's dark and it's somehow, crazy. Somehow? Are you kidding me? It's flat out neurotic.Woohoo for me at least.
This is the only place to do this. The place you come to sit and speak your mind, (This will be another ugly post ).
Regardless of subject or topic, from a recent vacation trip, to a single worded poem, to a political rant, to something like this post- it's no holds barred.
This can be the place you go to and write the most nonsensical thing you can think of, and not worry about an audience. Hi Fans!
Or concise, well-thought of and excellent composition worthy to be published.
The place to go to write with all your heart and soul about something, then regretting writing about it tomorrow.
Or for most bloggers, create digital acquaintances, whether you want them or not.
People who you would have formulated solid and longlasting impressions after reading a remarkable post, and never forgetting.
People who you would have known a whole lot better even before you get to know your oldest "friend" in facebook.
This is the place to earn money too, so please click here
This is where supercomputers 100 years from now will be analyzing to understand what our generation is all about,really.
Blogging is our generations traditional diary. But They may write it, or You may not write it, in the "I" perspective, We have all the freedom.
Or, May not be written in any perspective at all,
Puede mong isulat sa kahit anong lenguahe, maskin cosa.
You don't ahve to worrying about grammar, speling
nor
structure.
Because ANYTHING (FUCK) can be PUBLISHED.
11/29/2010
Random
So bLogging today or tomorrow wouldn';t make sense, so why not today.
It's is like taking an indefinite break from standing up right or walking and then trying to run instead of scram, despite the chase. The mind can only handle so much, though not proven, while speaking to an average of 80 foreigners a day compared to an avereage of 5 Filipinos a day will not make you feel any foreign.
While given the state of things going around these days, there's not much one can do with things that can demotivate you. The long absence of stimulating activities, both mentally and physically makes one dead, mentally, then physically.
I woke up from a 9 hour sleep to face a feeling of sleeplessness, it must be the understanding that whatever lies ahead, like the work you do before you go for work, will not be the same as say, playing and geting paid.
So what if we are forced to deploy Manny Pacquiao to the Yellow Sea if they don't stop and settle down becaue it could turn to really ugly war. Despite the insistent boredom, a third Word War would be a tad too ugly.
Live and let live. I really don't quite get the phrase. If it means to say something to that effect after going about your own business and failing to be oblivious of other people, then i guess i get it.
11/09/2010
Pacquiao Season
Sports fans have started toshift their eyes on boxing this time of the year. With the much anticipated match between pacquiao and margarito this nov 13, one can not deny that the interest and enthusiasm generated by the match, which centers on margarito's shrewed past and pacquiao's reported lack of preparation, have been more than what most people predicted.
What stood out most is that I don't remember seeing this kind of buzz during the cotto fight, and most certainly not out of the last Clottey-Pacquiao fight which despite the anonimity, filled up upthe cowboys stadium with 50,000 people, 40,000of whichi guess were Noypi's
Give it to Arum for his dedication to make sure margarito be allowed to fight, and more to his dedication to make a strong stand on margarito's innocence. Bob Arum's supposed argument isclear, margarito is the best possible match up for pacquiao, not because the plaster scandal makes the buzz bigger with intrigue, but beause margarito's physical advantages poses the biggest challenge for pacman. But of course, you know better.
8/30/2010
what can you say about the hostage taking?
A lot of things that happened that day tells me something is definitely sick about this country.
7/31/2010
Why
Why can't some people just stop minding other people's lives. Sometimes, I just don't understand.
Their brains are seemed to be wired most of the time to question other people's actions, question and be immensely involved , in thought and in feelings, with somebody else's life. Sometimes, that somebody they don;t know even.
Why can't they just sit back and be one with the crowd of men and realize that whatever is running through that brain is not always right, nor correct, whatever reason they might believe, because he or she is just one in a billion living organism crawling the earth and will never have any right to feel even the slightest rejection or irk, that does not meet what the all-knowing brain is thinking.
We'd probably live a couple of decades only , so please just be a bit better and immerse yourself unto your own fucked up problems, or whatever you'd want to call it. Life at a couple of decades will not teach you even half of what you think you already know.
7/30/2010
Wala lang
He took away the sins of the earth. The grave attempts of throwing it at
our faces would have been, for today, great to make slight accusations on everyone's each consciousness. That to make a mistake, which is always intentional, will be dealt with accordingly. He must have been struck by lighting, for the circumstances were like in a river, steady and unbreakable, but such attempts may have impact.
GIve us time and we shall see. While I take each slow strides into the wild inside, each move I make I create with much hope of trying to make what people tirelessly would like to make. To create a better place to live in, while each consciousness breeds on frail opportunities, the most of us thrives harder than what another person, would thrive of with so little thought.
7/15/2010
7/14/2010
Self-serving Psychiatrists in us
It feels like it's just been recently that i came to an unsual realization on image, friendship and perception. Everything should be biased. Unusual for me, growing up not ever trying to act like , or know like, or even pretend. IT's a fucked up scene everytime it happens. I go inside out and end up more confused and dumbfounded that when I started.
Unsolicited Advices, are worse, you dictate it with the wrong intentions. It is self serving nonetheless and it;s just plain annoying. I don't care if we are "friends" and it may be an attempt to acknowledge that fact, but in reality, well, i just wanted to sit around and talk of other f8)(* nonsense with real friends and not to fucking analyze each and every word that comes out of anyones' mouth and start judging people and talk about people's private lives like in the tv? I may act stubborn and talk non sense, or I may axtually be, i may walk and my disposition may not please you, but fuck that's only because i didn't need to because well, what are friends for.
Fuck pretentions and society dictating how well one is , yes i blame my parents for teaching me that to ask "how do i do" than " is more important than "how much do i own." Yes , it's biased, everyone has his own parents, and his own childhood and environment, so unless asked , please don't throw your feet on other people's shoes and even think that you know how the other person is feeling and what's going on in his mind and what he should or not do, and why and what nots. It is stupid. Each brain is wired differently, don't judge the person by what he posts in facebook, by the way he talks, or what he says, and how immature it may sound or childish or fucking insane, because you will never ever know exactly how it is to sit inside the brain unless it's yours and your family and your whatever.
That is why i stopped giving advise to people , even if they ask me. BEcause i know it really won't matter . i make it a point to make an attempt to understand, and then say "hayaan mo na siya." Because really, what can you do?v
Tang inang pretentions and compl;ex trying self serving mind readers, wasting their time on someone elses life, to find determination and definition of his? I always thought defined myself wiht what I do, and how well i do it, since i was a child. My "Self" is not a collective ability of hits and misses on how well i see the world and how well i can tell right from wrong for others actions. HOw fucking sick is that? How do they do it , i couldn't even have enough thinking time for my own life and my own wife and my son, and me, why am i going to think of others? especially to unknowingly judge others? Mind your own life, it's not you that consitutes the world, it's a "we" world. IT's not the actions or the words or the act or the disposition that defines the person, it's something more than what those freaking eyes can see. Yes this is biased, people should stop stopping themselves to please everyone. You dont know everything , you see someone hinting that his sad and depressed and crying and say his depressed. DepressED? have you actually ever seen a person that is truly depressed?
6/07/2010
Doppelganger
Ok that's it, this is the 3rd time the last 2 months that a person thought they saw me, and were pretty sure at that, someplace I wasn't.
Rog just came up the elevator and told me she saw me smoking in the ground floor. Was pretty shocked when told that I was in the 10th floor for the last couupld of hours.
Another person, I forgot who, saw me sleeping in the sleeping lounge, was pretty sure at that as well. When it was my day off.
Paking Jorge informed me just a while ago that I slept in the lounge. I told him I did , but it wasn't me becuase whoever he saw was wearing a white shirt and 'slippers'?? and he saw me, just a while ago, but I slept over 4 hours ago.
Ok, it scared me for a moment. Because I can't remember anyone telling me they saw me some place when I wasn't in that some place. I would never want to see my doppelganger.
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from: "http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com/page/Doppelg%C3%A4nger"
A doppelgänger is the ghostly — in some cases, the physical — double of a living person. The word "doppelgänger" is a loanword from German, in which language it is written (as with any German noun) with an initial capital letter: Doppelgänger. The word derives from Doppel ("double") and Gänger ("goer").
In English, the word is conventionally uncapitalized ("doppelgänger"). It is also common to drop the German diacritic, umlaut, from the letter "ä," writing "doppelganger," although in German the correct spelling without the umlaut would actually be "Doppelgaenger."
In the vernacular, "Doppelgänger" has come to refer to any double or look-alike of a person—most commonly an "evil twin"—or to bilocation. It is an exact replica of a specific human being.
The word is also used to describe a phenomenon whereby one catches his own image out of the corner of his eye. In some traditions, seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death, or a warning of an aproaching danger. A doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives may sometimes bring bad luck, or indicate an approaching health problem.